into the abyss

Andrew Largeman: Hey Albert
Albert: Yeah?
Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.
Albert: Thank you, and Hey, you too

-Garden State


It is with a head full of memories and a heart full of dreams that I write this note. I am leaving for South Carolina this Sunday. Friday will be my last day in Hattiesburg, at least until October.
Leaving is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Believe it or not, I am glad that things worked out so last minute. I did not have time to worry about things as much because my percentage of actually going was 50/50 until just recently. For those that are wondering, I did find a place to live. It is a five minutes from campus, and it is a quadruplex. I am excited about it. It is so huge, and I am not sure what I am going to do with myself with a large space and no sister bouncing off the walls. I do not yet have a car, but the insurance company is ready to talk settlement amounts. Beyond that, I am set. My stuff is still packed from when I moved everything to the Coast in May.
At this juncture in my life, I think back to other times I have set off. I went to MUW, and I cried after I got my stuff unloaded in 2002. I went to D.C. as an intern for a senator in 2004, and once I was done with my first day of work on the Hill, I returned to my apartment and cried. I'll probably get back to my place after I finish my first day there and cry again. The great thing about now is that I have a wonderful support team, even if they may be long-distance in a few days. I am grateful for that.
It is quite thrilling but yet bittersweet to head off into the infinite abyss. Every other time I have headed off abroad or on a road adventure, there has been a definite start and end date. This is definitely more long term. However, I have learned in that it is in those times away from every thing that you have ever known that you learn the most about yourself.
When I think about leaving the familiar, I have mixed feelings. It is so easy here for me. It is really comfortable and hard not to grow complacent. I know in my heart that this is what I need to do. A life goal of mine for some while has been to get a Ph.D. before I turn 30. I have 6 years to make that happen. It's go time. Mississippi/home will always be here. When I think about leaving, I have to remind myself that things are not so linear. Hattiesburg and Mississippi are constantly changing/evolving. Things will not be exactly the same when I return in two months. Every day is a snap shot in time that may not be true the next day. It is like when I leave my room on the Coast. I like to leave things in place and untouched while I am gone, but inevitably the house may flood, the refridgerator may flood in the kitchen and leak into my room or my sister will break into my room and mess things up. Things are constantly changing. And so are we (hopefully).
I have some wonderful friends here that have been the family that I always wanted. I have had mentors, namely Dr. Larry Sparkman, that have guided me along my educational/life journey. I have finally found what I have been looking for and have only experienced one other time (in D.C. in a church that met in a movie theater) in Ekklesia. I hate to leave the community there. I have had parents that have allowed me into their children's lives as a babysitter. It is has been a privilege to watch them grow up, and I hope that I have had a positive influence on them; these wonderful children certainly have had a positive influence on my life. I feel like they are as close to nieces and nephews that I could get to having without actually having any as of yet. I have enjoyed being part of their childhoods. It is from observing them and their parents interact that I will be studying sibling/family relationships/interactions for my doctoral dissertation.
It is with fond memories that I prepare tp explore the infinite abyss that lies ahead of me while not forgetting my experiences here. I hope I get to see each of you one more time before I leave Hattiesburg on Friday, but if not, you will have to try to stop by to see me. It's only nine hours away. I'm excited about being part of the SEC football experience, and the season looks promising with Alabama and LSU both on schedule.
I wanted to say THANK YOU for being part of my life during my time in Hattiesburg. I will miss you. It's not goodbye, just see you later. I'll be back for half a week in October, a week in November, and three to four weeks in December/January. Until then, remember, “You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you, leaving a part of yourself behind.”