How far I've Come...

I'm sitting on my Grandmother's steps that lead to an unfinished house. But oh the memories that have been made in this yard! I grew up next door to my grandmother. I'm looking at the property right now. Today I just realized that the magnolia tree that was right outside my window no longer exists. Neither does this big tree that we had plant pots hanging from. It is amazing how things seem so big when you are a child and then so unimpressive and small today. I could get lost in these two yards. I had a tire swing on a tree that is no longer here. There was a weeping willow that I would climb. Today I would break the branches if I tried. The structure that I grew up in is no longer here. So much of what used to be is not here because of Hurricane Katrina. However, a bush from my grandfather's yard that makes these white flowers is still there. I'm looking at it now as I type, and it makes me still feel connected to my past. So much of that past was ripped away by the storm, and I still feel its effects today. Just yesterday I was going to a church that I went to often in high school because my best friend's step dad was the priest there. I was so excited about seeing the inside of it because it really is a beautiful church, and I timed my departure so I wouldn't have an awkward amount of time before the service started. As I drove past it, I remembered that the church is not rebuilt yet. I had no idea where they were holding services these days. Something so simple as going to church became hard. Luckily, through the wonders of text messaging, I was able to find out where service was being held. Things have changed so much.




And all these changes are not bad. Friday was my last day with my sister. I can't really comprehend it now, but I am relieved. I think it will fully hit me when I go back to Hattiesburg without her tomorrow. Also, in just a few short days B will be home. It seems surreal. It has been such a long time. A person really can get used to anything.

I'm in a Jewel kind of mood

"You Were Meant For Me"
I hear the clock, it's six a.m. (way too early to be up when you have a fitful night of sleep)
I feel so far from where I've been (a thousand miles from anywhere)
I got my eggs and my pancakes too (even though I don't like breakfast food)
I got my maple syrup, everything but you. (wish you were here)
I break the yolks, make a smiley face (then I scramble it)
I kinda like it in my brand new placeI wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore
' causeDreams last for so long (They really do.)
even after you're gone (but then they start to fade)
I know you love me (or do you?)
And soon you will see
You were meant for me (If anybody was ever meant for anybody, which I'm not sure I believe.)And I was meant for you.
I called my momma, she was out for a walk (as usual - too busy for me)
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk (but neither do I)
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news (very true)
More hearts being broken or people being used (very sad)
Put on my coat in the pouring rain (what's the use?)I
saw a movie it just wasn't the same (nothing is)
'Cause it was happy and I was sad (so sad)
It made me miss you oh so bad
'causeDreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I go about my business, I'm doin fine (I'm really not.)
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.(and I am no different)
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up.
Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight
'causeDreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Yeah.... You were meant for me and I was meant for you.

I've been down so long that the end must be drawing near... - Jewel

It is true. It has been a rough year, but the end is drawing near. I am ready for the end of some things, but I am not ready for the end of other things that will have to happen, though. I will miss not having my apartment. I like my own space.


I finished the class I was observing and class I TA for today. It was my last classroom experience for my masters. As I turned out the light, I thought, "There's a chapter of my life shutting." I really enjoy teaching. It has been something that I would like to do in the future. The future is a blank page right now, and I don't really like that. Who knows how different my life will be in a year? Hopefully it will be better than last year.