20 Things To Do With Your College Student Over the Holiday Break

http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/20-things-college-student-holiday-break/

Thankfulness in Small Things

http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/thankfulness-small-things/

26 + DIY Halloween Costumes

Are you still unsure of what to do for Halloween costumes this year or your current one not making the cut? We have you covered! Here is all you need to know for 26+ do-it-yourself costume ideas.

1. Baby Mummy - All you need for this cute mini mummy is gauze, a onesie, and googly eyes.
2. Bat - You need felt, elastic, and basic sewing skills for this one.
3. Bumblebee - Felt, ribbon, thread, and a sewing machine get you this adorable bumblebee costume.
4. Cat - You are going to need some fur trim for this one.
5. Caveman - You can actually do this for the whole family and make a cavefamily. You will need faux fur fabric.
6. Chef - You will need white fabric and to do some quick sewing.  An empty pizza box would add a nice touch.
7. Darth Vader, R2D2 & Yoda- You will need black and brown clothing, a helmet, light sabers, and robe for these. 
8. Dinosaur - Fabric, 5 inch velcro, and a small bag of batting will get you this cute dino.
9. Flower Pot - This one is super cute & easy. You will need a large bucket, headband, jump rope, and 3 or 4 bunches of flowers.
10. Frida Kahlo, Andy Warhol & Vincent VanGogh - Aside from the wigs and fake flowers, you might have all these items on hand now.
11. Grandma - Use all 3 on this page for a sibling set. 
12. Ladybug - You will need fabric, elastic, tulle, flowers, and thread.
13. Lego - Got a box, box cutter, and paint?  You can make a Lego!
14. Needle and Thread - This one might require a little shopping - a lampshade, wire cutters, duct tape, freezer paper, cardboard, 4-5 white tshirts, a large knitting needle, flexible cord, and silver paint.
15. Paintbrush - This requires 2 brooms, a styrofoam ball, and poster board.
16. Princess Leia - You will need a white dress, silver material, silver thread, sew-on velcro, and stitch witchery.  Check out the picture on the directions for more on what exactly that is. 
17. Raggedy Ann or Andy - Yarn, felt strips, embroidery thread, and 2 hair combs per wig.  You might have the other clothes needed already.
18. Skeleton - Duct tape and black clothes can get you this costume in a jiffy.
19. Snow White - I actually did this one recently.  You need a red hair ribbon, blue shirt, yellow skirt, red shoes, and an apple for a prop.  (See picture.)
20. Spider - I have heard you can gather all these materials from the dollar store - a black hoodie, monofilament, large needle, 2 pairs of black knee socks, grocery store bags, googly eyes, adhesive dots, and black gloves.
21. Unicorn - This takes under an hour to make.  You need felt, a purple hoodie, ribbons, safety pins, duct tape, and a headband.
22. Upside Down Person - This requires no sewing.  You can actually put this together right now from clothes you have on hand.
23. Viking - You need two toilet seat covers for this cute, little Viking.
24. Where's Waldo? - You do need crochet skills for this one (or a friend willing to help you out).
25. Witch - Got a man's shirt? You can make this witch costume.
26. Wonder Woman - Wonder Woman is being predicted as the #1 costume of the year.

Happy Halloweening! Try out a costume?  I would love to see your finished product.  Post a picture in the comment section below.

A Hair Donation Guide

http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/hair-donation-guide/

A Year Out from the Fallout: Living Life Like I am Jumping Off a Rope Swing

You know you can't keep the ground from shaking, no matter how hard you try, You can't keep the sunsets from fading, you gotta treat your life like You're jumping off a rope swing maybe 'cause the whole thing is really just a shot in the dark - Old Dominion






A year ago yesterday Mrs. Curtis died, and it was like the rug was pulled out from under me in life. I felt alone. I missed her. Things felt scary and weird.


There were a few months that I was not exactly thriving. I lost some weight. If you saw me and my hair looked dirty, it probably was. I would just start crying in random places - on the shuttle to campus, in my car, over dinner, on the walk home from school. It was like a Dr. Seuss book - will you cry with a mouse? Will you cry in your house? With a fox? In a box? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.


I would tell myself to get it together. I was not only on the struggle bus. I was driving the struggle bus.


Life was going to change. I knew it. I was comfortable with my life the way it was. But it was like when someone pushes you in a pool to try to teach you how to swim - I could start swimming or start sinking.


Somewhere around November I started trying to gain more control of my life. Life was already going to change, so why not try to be the agent of this change?


I started jumping. I jumped so much I felt like my life was a game of jumprope. When faced with a decision, I would tell myself, “Jump.”


I started making bold moves. Life can take you to some interesting places that you do not expect. And I started acting like my life was a jump rope like the Old Dominion lyrics. The rope would swing, and if I stayed on it long enough, it would swing back, but I had to pick the best time to jump. Sooner or later I had to jump.


Before I left for Christmas break, I packed up everything. I did not know if my major first move would work out and would not know until I was already 600+ miles away for Christmas, but I knew I had to take a leap of faith. Either it was going to work out or not. But regardless if that worked out or not, things had to change. I could not let things stay the same. I had to do better. I had to crawl out of the wreckage of my former life and find that next stop on the journey. I have never packed not knowing where I was going, but all I knew was that either it was what I applied for or I would find something else. Things had to get better. They just had to. I just had to jump.


It was not easy. The beginning of 2017 found me in a closet crying about all the changes required to take this big jump into the scary unknown. My mother found me and said, “Tabitha, what is what the matter with you? I am not used to seeing you like this.” She was right. I can usually hold it together better than I was in that closet thinking about all that I had to let go to get me to the next step. I felt unsteady, and I do not like that feeling. I like to know the next step, the next 5-10 steps, even, and I was jumping into a great abyss January 2nd.


Jumping did not come without sacrifices. I had to let go of some major things that I cared about. I had to empty my hands to be open for what was next. I could not have grabbed on to my future with clenched fists.


Everything changed. Jump. Jump. Jump. 2017 has been the biggest year of change than I can remember. Change is not necessary a bad thing. When it felt bad, I would remind myself that I was going through some major life readjustment events, and that it was okay to feel that way for a bit.


It was uncomfortable every time I jumped, but I also felt like I was stepping into the Promised Land. I would ask myself, “How can this be my life?” I felt like I was in a dream land because things were so good.


I write this all to say that at the end of a full year of jumping, I can say that it was worth it. It was not easy, but there is a certain peace to knowing that you are right where you are supposed to be. I could not have done it without letting go of a lot of things. Some of those things required deep sacrifice because they were things I loved. Some of those things were people and things that were dragging me down. One thing I did was to stop treating every relationship in my life like a fixer upper project. I needed to give myself distance from those people that only drained me because I needed to focus on me. And it was freeing.


I started examining everything in my life and purging - tangible and intangible things. I made may so many trips to drop off boxes of things I had purged this year. As I would unpack from my move in January, I really thought about every item I unpacked to think about if I really needed it. It was liberating to let go. Jump.


I used the excuse this year that everything else was changing so why not one more change? Jump.


And on the other side of all the jumping, I can confidently say that I am living my best life. And I never would have gotten here without letting go of everything.


So maybe you do not have to jump and change just about everything in your life for a year. But maybe there is one big jump you need to make.


JUMP.

2017 Guide to Halloween Around Columbia

http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/2017-guide-halloween-around-columbia/

A Discussion Guide to Reading/Watching 13 Reasons Why with Your Teen

http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/discussion-guide-readingwatching-13-reasons-teen/

15 Things Your Child Needs to Know Before Starting College

http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/15-things-child-needs-know-starting-college/

Getting to the Ground Zero Museum (and to the Ground Zero of My Heart)

When I heard that there was a Katrina museum near my house while I was home for enough time to check it out, I could not stop thinking about it.  Since it was only opened for limited hours and days, I had to finagle to make it work.  The last day before I left, my Mom and I went to the Ground Zero Museum in Waveland, Mississippi.  It was a novel concept to me – I am going to a museum about something that I lived through.  I have been to a lot of museums in my day, but this was different.  It was personal.

I was not sure what I was walking into because I have to be in the right headspace to even talk about Hurricane Katrina.  It was this day or waiting months until the next time I was down, so ready or not, here I was.  I was not sure what I was going to see, but I was a little hesitant that in 3D form something that inhabits my worst reoccurring nightmares would be represented.  This would not be a dream that jolts me awake in cold sweats.  This would be something I would see, touch, hear, and feel.  

It was impossible to not be transported through space and time when I looked up at the timeline on the wall of the events that unfolded for this ravaging hurricane.  I went through my own personal timeline.  I was doing this here on this day and so on and so forth. 

There was a room that represented what the houses looked like after the storm.  I had to remind myself to keep breathing and in this moment on this day I was okay.  This was not my current reality, thankfully.  We had been there and done that. 

A museum about Hurricane Katrina?  I felt like I could have created my own museum on this storm.  In a way, all the survivors are living museums of what we saw and experienced.  The artifacts looked so much like what we had to sort through and throw away.  And I was reminded of that horrible day that we pretty much had to throw all our possessions to the road for the garbage man to pick up.  And I remembered that thought I had then that it would have been better to come back to just a foundation rather than have to physically be reminded of what we once had that was no longer safe to keep. 

A tour started pretty soon after we got there, and we just started walking with the group to hear what the tour guide said.  At the end, she finally asked us where we were from.  Once she learned that we had lived through this experience she said that we could have given the tour.  Yes, we could have, but I wanted to be alone with my thoughts to process my reflections.  I wanted to linger at certain parts, like the gratitude tree.  Yes, we were and continue to be so thankful for all the outpouring of help from volunteers at this time.  Some pieces I did not want to linger by – like a case full of things that looked like what we had to throw out of our house.

But at the heart of it – at the ground zero of my heart – I have to appreciate the resilience that it taught me.  September 11^th was jarring, but Hurricane Katrina was so much more personal to me.  Katrina took away an innocence I had about the world.  Bad things can and do happen.  And sometimes I fear things that I did not know to fear before Katrina.  I always think of the worst-case scenario, no matter how bizarre it may be to do so.  To see the strongest people you know in your life break down and lose it was eye-opening.  To feel like this is the moment that you are an adult because you have to stand up and fight through this was pivotal in my life.

For better or worse, I am not the same person I used to be.  Things that used to bother to me do not.  I go through this mental checklist – do I have water, electricity, a shelter, hot food?  Well, then, I guess it is not that bad.  I am calm in stressful situations.  People have commented on how I just keep at the same level even when things get crazy like in the delivery room, and I am the first one to react with a game plan in a crisis.  Katrina brought that out in me. 

There is a video clip in one of the rooms about Katrina and how you may not have gone through this, but the hope is that you see people’s stories and realize that if they got through this, you can get through whatever you are going on in your life.  Sometimes I have to be reminded of that.  I have to remember just how bad things were and just because things felt that bad then they would not feel that way forever.  And they did not.  We all grew so much through the journey of Hurricane Katrina.  It took over a year to get the house rebuilt, and just because the house was rebuilt did not mean that we were.  It took much longer for that to happen.  But little by little, bit by bit, day by day, we grew stronger and more resilient. 

Much like the Maranda Lambert song, “The House That Built Me,” I had to go to the Ground Zero Museum.  The pictures and artifacts held stories for me.  I had to touch this place and feel it.  And standing in that museum I was reminded of who I once was.  In a strange way, this experience built me into who I am today. Through the brokenness, there was healing and growth.  Sometimes you just have to reflect on how far you have come.  Because as Old Dominion sings, “You can’t keep the ground from shaking no matter how hard you try.  You can’t keep the sunsets from fading.  You’ve got to treat your life like you’re jumping off a rope swing because maybe because the whole thing is really just a shot in the dark.”  At times that is what the experience of Katrina felt like – on a rope swing, not much stability, you may scream a little and want to close your eyes, but eventually you jump and plunge into the next chapter. 

And, luckily, we are still standing.  #resiliency

For more information on the museum, check out http://www.wavelandgroundzero.com/.

VBS roundup

http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/guide-vacation-bible-school-vbs-columbia-2017/

Teaching Your Teens #SquadGoals

Here is my first post on the Columbia SC Moms Blog.

http://columbiasc.citymomsblog.com/truly-model-squadgoals-teens/

No Longer a Slumdog by K.P. Yohannan

I recently read this book that I had for a while.  Those of you know that know me know that I love reading, and I like just having physical books around.  I recently moved, and I thought I was a minimalist until I had to move my stuff.  I am currently in an ongoing purge and re-evaluating all my possessions to simplify my life.  Anyway, I have been reading books that I have and then passing them on.  I read this book and was touched by these gripping stories of children that have grown up in poverty.  Often I think about how different my life would be if I was born in a different place and/or time.  It can be overwhelming in a world with so many problems to choose just one to focus on, but I admire those that dedicate their lives to do just that.

What stories grip and do not leave you?
What stories challenge you?
What charities are your favorite to support?
What niche do you work in to make the world a better place?

Eva's Story: A Survivor's Tale by the Step-Sister of Anne Frank (Eva Schloss with Evelyn Julia Kent)

Most of you that know me know that I am an avid reader. I usually have a book in my purse or pretty near me at all times. It is what I do on buses, sometimes walking, in between the obligations on my calendar, etc. When people ask me what my favorite book, I really do not have an answer because there are few books I would want to read again because I have already experienced it and like new adventures. Few books make me think too much about them unless they are really, really good. Today I finished reading Eva's Story: A Survivor's Tale by the the Stepsister of Anne Frank by Eva Schloss. This story is so gripping. It basically picks up where The Diary of Anne Frank left off. If you are looking for something to showcase the triumph of the human spirit even in the worst of conditions, check it out. I am thinking about re-reading The Diary of Anne Frank, which like I said, I hardly ever re-read books.

Breakfast table commentary - Beauty and the Beast

"Most of us will not experience a Cinderella style upbringing. We will not be a pawn for a scheming villain like Jafar, Ursula, or Scar. But we will all meet a Gaston. Every one of us will, at some point, meet someone whose nasty, bullying behavior is excused by the people around them because they're rich or handsome or good at sports or their parents are important. And that is why Gaston is a terrifying Disney villain. Because there is at least one version of him in everyone's life." - Thomas Finch Mackee


Whoa, there is so much truth to this statement. Bad people often do not wear a mask and look scary. They can be ordinary people. And that is truly scary.


Bullying is one thing I have little tolerance for. I tell myself that my kids can be whatever they want to be, but a bully is not one of those choices. Bullying has a way of beating you down and thinking you are not worth much when in reality, in a different time or place, you would be fine. It skews your view of yourself and can give you a negative self image. May we all just learn to be a little kinder to each other.


Has anyone seen the new Beauty and the Beast movie? Let me know.

2011 Nicaragua superlatives

Most Likely to...


get up close & personal with a body part- Kelsey

"estudio que"-Devon

like a good moustache- Rachael

wash her hair in mountain rain- Maggie

take a Nicaraguan woman home- Donnie

be making dog barking noises- Jay

be singing "Hey Soul Sister"- Alex

be checking people before they wreck themselves-Tabitha

be singing "Dios Es Tan Bueno"- Josh

have the same outfit on in all his pictures-Nick

have a knife-Ray

be the first one asleep, last one up and have a pew nap-Hannah

have mangoes in her hair-Heather

be mispronouncing vienna sausages-Maggie

not be hugging somebody-Anne

hit a baby in the head with a soccer ball-Dillon

be keeping Dillon in check-Courtney

keep Dillon out of trouble with his Spanish skills-Seth

have a gun- Megan a.k.a Peggy

lose his luggage and not wreck himself over it- Joseph

ask if you have had water today-Marcus

speak louder in English when people in Nicaragua do not understand him-Tim

have a constant cough-Andrew

pass out-Kelly

painting nails with Dercy- Lea

do everything like a teacher-Leah

be shopping for a ring-Katie

be braiding someone's hair-Mary Grace

use the cheerleader clap in normal conversation-Sara Lynn

know the time-Katie

be telling in town people what to do (in a good way)-Melanie

be a listening ear-Denise

be doing this (hand game)- Terry

Thesis soundtrack

1. Mean - Taylor Swift

2. Not Ready to Make Nice- Dixie Chicks

3. Hold On- Wilson Phillips

4. It's Your LIfe- Francisca Botticelli

5. Soundtrack to Your Life-Ashley Parker Angel

6. In the Sun- Joseph Arthur

7. Io (This Time Around)- Helen Stellar

8. Broken-Lifehouse

9. Disarray-Lifehouse

10. Livin' on a Prayer- Bon Jovi

11. Courage Is- The Strange Familiar

12. Into the Ocean-Blue October

13. Here I Go Again-Whitesnake

14. Stronger- Mandisa

15. Watch Me Shine-Joanna Pacitti

16. Kick a Little- Little Texas

17. Long Live-Taylor Swift

18. How Far We've Come-Matchbox Twenty

Columbia area bucket list

Columbia area bucket list (in no particular order)


1. geocaching

2. white water rafting

3. Biltmore (x)

4. Wilson's childhood home (x)

5. Fort Sumter

6. girl scout museum

7. Paula Deen's restaurant (X)

8. Governor's mansion tour (x)

9. Edventure (x)

10. Lebanese food @ Elie's (X)

11. Kensington mansion

12. Robert Mills house (x)

13. Manns-Sims Cottage (x)

14. Hampton-Preston mansion (x)

15. Congaree canoe trip

16. botanical garden (x)

17. Carolinian library (x)

18. USC baseball game (x)

19. see the First Baptist table where the secession papers were signed (x)

20. SC military museum

21. Korean church

22. Coca Cola museum

23. Atl aquarium

24. GA capital building-ATL

25. NC capital building- Raleigh

26. SC state library

27. SC Dept of Archives & History

28. Medieval Times

Bucket List

What I want to do before I kick the bucket- in no particular order: (It's a work in progress, but I am finally putting it in writing.)

1. Walk the Great Wall of China

2. See the pyramids in Egypt

3. Spend Christmas in Bethlehem

4. Watch the ball drop in NYC

5. Go to Paris, France

6. Walk Normandy Beach

7. Eat escargot

8. Make it to the North rim of the Grand Canyon

9. See Mt. Rushmore

10. Go to Coney Island

11. Go to San Francisco and visit each place in the Full House opening

12. Go to a Mardi Gras Ball (X)

13. Become Dr. Epperson

14. Go to Holt House at Monmouth College

15. Help deliver a baby (x)

16. See a space shuttle launch live (X)

17. Help out in disaster relief (x) (x)

18. Go to Cornwall, England to see where my family came from

19. Go skiing

20. Run a 5k (X) (X)

21. Go to India and get henna

22. Visit every state capital building

23. Swim with dolphins

24. Give a eulogy (X) (x)

25. Make a good toast at a wedding (X)

26. Become a Godmother (X)(X)(X)(x)

27. Be the Maid of Honor (X) (X)

28. Give a moving speech that makes people cry (X)

29. Eat chitlins

30. See the redwood forest

31. Go to the rainforest (X)

32. Climb a mountain (X)

33. Visit Pi Beta Phi Headquarters (X)

34. Serve on AAC (X)

35.  Give out 20,000 books to children (Fraternity Day of Service) (X)

36. Go scuba diving (x)

Soundtrack for Life for my Godchildren

1. Sunscreen Song-Baz Luhrmann

2. I'll See you on the Other Side - George Strait

3. Unanswered Prayers - Garth Brooks

4. This is Your Life - Switchfoot

5. Fireflies - Lori McKenna

6. Defying Gravity - Wicked

7. Something Worth Leaving Behind - Lee Ann Womack

8. The Climb - Miley Cyrus

9. When You Come Back Down - Nickelcreek

10. My Wish - Rascal Flatts

11. You Gotta Be - Des'Ree

12. Hero - Mariah Carey

13. Angels Among Us - Alabama

14. What the World Needs Now is Love - Jackie DeShannon

15. Man in the Mirror- Michael Jackson

16. Courage Is - Strange Familiar

17. I Just Want to Love You - Strange Familiar

18. Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts

19. Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch - The Temptations

20. One Girl Revolution- Saving Jane (for Araceli)

21. Growing Pains themesong

22. Forever Young - Rod Stewart

23. We Can - LeAnn Womack

24. Who I Am - Jessica Andrews (for Araceli)

25. This Is Your Life - Switchfoot

26. I Dare You To Move - Switchfoot

27. You Might Die Trying - Dave Matthews

28. Strange Cup of Tea - Sister Hazel

29. Hands - Jewel

30. Love Generation - Bob Sinclair

31.  Fight Song - Rachel Platten

32. Brave - Sara Bareilles

33. Every Storm -Gary Allan

34. In the Morrow - Brandi Carlile

35. Shake It Out - Florence & The Machine

36. Live Your Life Rig

The Story of Eppie

When Eppie first came into my life, my heart was very much closed. I am so good at putting walls up and not letting anybody in. After a particularly hard year and then a semester 600+ miles away from my family, I cried myself to sleep every night. There was a void in my life that was yet to be filled. At the end of that first semester, my father came to my spacious apartment that had hardly any furniture because I only came with a carload of things to South Carolina. He realized how quiet and lonely my life was and gave me a Christmas gift that I always called the best Christmas gift I ever received.


I was not too sure about getting a dog. My sister, Britni, was always the animal lover. In fact, most anybody in my family was more of an animal lover than me. It’s not that I did not like animals. It is just that my family members liked them so much that they took over the animals and left little room for me to involved in the process. Eppie was the first thing that was all mine to take care of. I was wary.


I told my father to not be disappointed if I took my time. I was going to be picky and find the right dog. I still was not sure if I needed/wanted a dog. I asked my father if he would take him back if I realized this was not going to work out. He agreed. We went to pick him out of a litter of puppies. There were white and brown ones. I knew I wanted a male. I picked out Eppie because he was the fattest and had a belly. Also, some of his litter mates were white, and I was concerned about those looking dirty. When I picked him in my arms, he nuzzled it and licked it a little. I said this was the one. My father laughed that I picked a dog from the first Chihuahua litter that we found.


His color was rare. I was told a small percentage of Chihuahuas had that color. To my father, he looked like a Reese cup; that’s why his middle name was Reese. Everywhere we went he got attention. People were not always sure what type of dog he was because of his colors. He was friendly and thought everybody would be his friend. I had to keep him from running up to strangers because if he saw someone out and about, he thought they should be his friend. Sometimes cats crouched down like they wanted to pounce on him, and I had to pick him up really quickly. One time it was squirrels that stared at him like they were trying to figure out what exactly he was. He turned heads wherever he went by humans and animals alike.


I really did not know what I was doing with a puppy. The first night I had him I said that he would sleep in the bathroom until he was housebroken. He cried so much I put him the bed with me. From that night on that’s where he was, right by my side under the blanket.


And during the day he was right beside. He went to the movies with me under a coat or sweatshirt, and he quietly slept there content. I may have looked a little pregnant,but I had my buddy with me. As a puppy, he went shopping with me in a bag. He would sleep as I checked items off my list. One time it was a cold, winter day. He had just gone to the vet to get some shots and was not feeling well. I had some books on hold that were about to expire, so I put him in my coat to go through the self-checkout. Even places that he was not necessarily supposed to go (like restaurants), my faithful companion went with me. He’s been trick or treating, a cow for Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-fil-a, and blessed at a pet blessing.


Eppie was my travel dog. We road tripped across several states,and he even flew as my personal item as a carry-on for some plane rides.


I cannot mark exactly when it happened, but my heart started changing. Through having Eppie, my heart grew at least two sizes. When I first got him, my father told me that these little dogs will get close to your heart. I did not know how true that was until my heart was already stolen by a five-pound dog. When I cried, Eppie licked my tears. When I took a bath when he was puppy, he would prance in,peer over the edge, and ask for water. He outgrew that, but he still came in to check on me to make sure I was okay. He would stop halfway up the stairs and just peer at me when I was sitting in the living room. When someone else picked him up,he had to find me in the room and would practically leap from their arms into mine, even if I was not that close to the other person.


He loved chap stick and would always remind me if I left food in my purse because he would find it. He also loved underwear, and he would manage to get on his hind legs and pull out underwear that I stuffed in the bottom of the laundry basket. It was quite impressive. I would change the sheets and find underwear stuffed in between the bed and the wall. I’m not sure if he did this because he thought I was another dog like him or if he was just showing that he cared, but he would lick my hair at night like he was grooming me. Sometimes he would lick my arm or leg until he fell asleep.


One day I came home when he was a puppy, and I had apparently left the spare room door cracked. He got into my suitcase at the bottom of the closet and found a nice little bed after pulling out a few articles of clothing to decorate the floor. Then, rather precisely, he made a trail of evenly spaced out shoes out the bedroom and into the hall. It was not until I saw him with a shoe in his mouth carrying it into his dog bed(that he only got into when he did not feel well or went to the vet because he otherwise slept with me) that I saw the artwork he left for me. Also, when he was a puppy, he pierced my computer cord with his teeth and never liked any cord since then. He went crazy when I would plug something in.


So at some point Eppie moved from being a dog to being my family. He was not a pet but my baby. I called him five pounds of pure love and my baby dog. I considered him my first-born. And someday if I have children and they ask me about Eppie,I will let them know about the one that set up residence in my heart first. In doula training when we talked about our ideal birth situation and drew a picture, Eppie was there. When I thought about a wedding, I thought about putting him in a suit to stand by my side. It makes me sad about the times I had in mind that we will never share, but I am so grateful for the times that we did have together.


So how do you say goodbye to a little guy like that? No time would have been a good time. When I looked up the life expectancies of Chihuahuas when I first got him, the books said 18-21 years. I thought I had a lot more time. From time to time when I thought about the day I would lose him, I always thought I would have a full family of my own to help ease my pain. It did not happen that way.


It was sudden. I had no time to emotionally prepare. I’m still in shock that he is gone. The pitter-patter of little feet and the little jump into the bed at night is missed. His little face greeting me at the window when I pull up in the driveway is painful to not see. He would have his face at the window and watch me until he saw me go under the porch, then he raced down the stairs and was by the door to greet me when I opened it. He had it timed perfectly.


Today we wrote his name on balloons with messages and released them by the bayou. I watched the balloons until I could no longer see them. It was hard to let go of that balloon, but I kissed it and on the count of three let it go. A little while later I was running some errands and I was thinking about the balloons and how they disappeared into the sky. I looked up at the sky, and there was a rainbow without rain. I have never seen that. I looked again and found two rainbows. I like to think that it was a message from God reminding me of his promises and that He was still there. I’d also like to think it was Eppie saying thanks for the balloons sent up to heaven for him and that he would be waiting for me until we meet again.


It won’t be easy going through things that we used to share together without him. I miss his warm little body snuggled next to me. I miss his little sighs and sassiness. I miss how he always made my lap his. Computer, books,or anything else that occupied my lap would play second fiddle to Eppie. He would wedge his way into my lap,just like he waltzed into my heart and opened it up. Though I had way less time than I wanted with him, I am thankful for the time we did share. In large and small ways, my life and heart will never be the same. Thank you, Eppie, for loving me. Thank you for all the good times. Thank you for your loyalty and devotion. I’ve said before that I am looking fora guy to treat me like Eppie did, but the truth is, I do not think I ever could find one. Eppie’s love was pure,and it melted my cold, closed-off heart. So now I have to deal with the challenges of living without him. I hate being home because everything is attached to a memory of him. As much as I was wary of letting him in to my life beforehand, I am infinitely more concerned about letting go. It’s hard to say goodbye. SoI’d prefer to think of this time now as him changing his residence from my house to permanently in my heart. There was an Eppie-sized hole in my heart that only he could fill that I did not realize at the time. I will always love you, Eppie.

Mrs. C and Me

I have been putting off writing this for months. I know I have to get the story out. It is just hard because writing it feels like the final goodbye. A little over 7 years ago I was walking my dog Eppie around the neighborhood, which we did not do often because he was so small, and I ended up carrying him by the end because his little body would tire out. I needed a place to live, and I happened to find a for rent sign pointing down a driveway. I rang the doorbell, and an older lady answered. She gave me the key and told me to check it out since should could not get up the stairs.


I had fantasized about living in a garage apartment since Mike lived in one on Growing Pains. It is funny how those weird dreams you have sometimes work out. While living there, I had a unique view into Mrs. C’s life. While we lived in separate buildings, we shared a yard, a lot of meals, and many talks. I could see her house and know generally where she was in the house by what light was on. Likewise, she could see when I went to bed by my lights and knew if I never came home at night or very late.


Stepping into her house was kind of like a time capsule. It was really neat to see things preserved in time and to learn about a different way of life. She told me a lot of stories, but she alway was a good a listener. She asked questions. She knew everybody’s names from my stories. When she asked about my family, she called them by name. She cared. Mrs. C was one person genuinely interested in my life. She had a neat perspective from seeing so much in her almost century of life, but she had some progressive views. There was this one paradox that always makes me smile when I think about it. She would ask me if I found anyone special and then in the next breath tell me that I did not need any man and could be successful and not depend on anyone. She also firmly believed than none of my ex-boyfriends were good enough for me and would tell me so often.


Mrs. C fully lived life. She loved to eat and was so curious about things. She sat out in her garden and took in the day. I would get so caught up in the busyness of my life, and she would slow me down. Conversations with her would easily be 1-2 hours. In fact, unless I was jumping into my car in passing and saw her, I am not sure I ever had a conversation with her less than an hour. Some days she would be sitting on the porch and flag me down to talk. She told me that she had a book of everyone that lived in the garage apartment, and she kept up with them. I asked who lived there the longest since the 1950s when she first started this, and she turned and looked at me and told me it was me. Then she told me never to move away. I was told by a former garage apartment tenant that Mrs. C was picky about who she let in the apartment, but once you were in, you were family.


Although she never had children and grandchildren, she built strong friendships and they became an extension of her family. She was a grandmother figure in my life. I would look out for her, carry groceries inside, and fix things like the cable. I gave her lessons on the internet and Facebook. Yes, even in her 90s, she was not afraid to face the new frontier of social media. And in her own way, she looked after me. She loved fresh fruit and food. Whenever she would go to a fruit stand or farmer’s market, she put some aside for me. I learned how to preserve fruit during the time I lived in the backyard because she always insisted that I take more than I could eat. There is a funny story about this. Mrs. C volunteered at the soup kitchen until she could no longer get there. I was lucky enough to volunteer with her once and see her in her element. At the end of the day she would take leftovers home because she did not believe in food waste. She would call me over and give me leftovers. One day she gave me a sandwich. I went home and ate it. Later she called me and asked if I had eaten it because she gave me the wrong sandwich. I ate a three week old sandwich, but I never got sick. This story still brings a smile to my face.


In the end, things changed, and I did not even realize it was changing or maybe I was in denial. It got to where she could not be alone. I started spending the nights with her. I am grateful for this time because we had more conversations during this period. I do not know how I could have lived that close to someone that long without getting to know them well, but we got to know each other on another level when we stopped sharing just a yard and driveway and started sharing a house. I still had faith that she would recover. She always did. She would spend months in the hospital and rehab and always come out fine on the other side. We talked about future excursions and adventures. When I lost her, it was also the death of those dreams that could never be fulfilled. One of those dreams we talked about was the farm that she had in her hometown. I never got to spend the weekend there with her, but on the day of her funeral a family member gave me directions, and I got to have a moment of closure standing in the cotton fields.


I do not know if you are ever prepared to lose someone that you care about unless there is a long illness or dire news given to you, but losing Mrs. C felt so sudden and unbelievable. She had recovered every other time. She was tough. In the end, I felt so alone. We always looked out for one another, and then there was just me. I lost Eppie in that garage apartment too. We started off as three, and I was the lone ranger.


In the months that followed, I started rethinking our conversations and interactions over the past 7 years. I thought about things I could have said. I thought about conversations we could have had. I held on to the ones we did have. I started wondering what she thought of me. Coincidentally a few weeks after her death there was a pet blessing at her church. I always liked taking my dogs to get blessed, and I have visited just about every denomination that does it. I had not been to this denomination yet, and the timing was right for me to be able to go. When I arrived one of the priests was one that I had met at Mrs. C’s house. She told me I looked familiar, and I told her why. We then talked about the loss of Mrs. C and how I was struggling. She told me about a conversation she had with her about me a while back and how she thought that she loved me. Strangely enough, through a pet blessing I was able to get some peace. Since then family members recounted how she would tell them stories about what I was up to, and I felt better.


While I am sad about the things we will never get to do together and the fact that she will never get to see me get my PhD, something she has journeyed along with me for years, I know she is not in pain and reunited with her husband that she loved. And when you lose someone you care about, you may lose the physical presence, but you carry the memories with you. Thanks for teaching me a lot, Mrs. C, and if you can see down from heaven (which I am not sure is theologically accurate), I hope I am making you proud.

Books of 2017

The Awakening, Kate Chopin

Be the Gift, Ann Voskamp

The Broken Way, Ann Voskamp

Calm My Anxious Heart, Linda Dillow

Ditched: A Love Story, Robin Mellom

Don't Waste Your Life, John Piper

Eleanor, Quiet No More, Doreen Rappaport

Eva's Story: A Survivor's Tale by the Step-Sister of Anne Frank (Eva Schloss with Evelyn Julia Kent)

Farewell Rob Bell, Larry Dixon

Finding the Deep River Within, Abby Seixas

The Go-Girl Guide, Julia Bourland

The Goddess in the Gospels, Margaret Starbird

Heidi, Johanna Spyri

How to Practice The Way to a Meaningful Life, The Dalai Lama

Judy Moody, Megan McDonald

If I Could Ask God One Question, Paul Williams & Barry Cooper

Karen’s Secret, Ann M. Martin

Karen's Witch, Ann M. Martin

Libby and the Class Election, Shana Muldoon Zappa & Ahmet Zappa

The Little Engine That Could, Watty Piper

Love Wins, Rob Bell

Make Way for Ducklings, Robert McCloskey

Mary Anne Saves the Day, Ann M. Martin

No Longer a Slumdog, K.P. Yohannan

Pollyanna, Eleanor H. Porter

The Professor Is In, Karen Kelskey

The Real Mother Goose

Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, Kate Douglas Wiggin

Resisting Happiness, Matthew Kelley

Revelations of a Single Woman, Connally Gilliam

Sage and the Journey to Wishworld, Shana Muldoon Zappa and Ahmet Zappa

Talking As Fast As I Can, Lauren Graham

The Time Keeper, Mitch Albom

Voices of the Faithful, Kim P. Davis (compiled by)

We Should All Be Feminists, Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche

Why I Live in Mississippi, Ellen Patrick

Woman to Woman: Beyond Stereotypes and Status (edited by Lyman Coleman)

10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives, Laura Schlessinger

13 Reasons Why, Jay Asher

20 Something, 20 Everything, Christine Hassler